Emotions! (Of men and women)

We are inherently different in our emotions. The way we speak and the way we interact and also the way we think. If you think that men think!

Women, they gush. They are effusive in compliments and words. They hold and touch and make the other person welcome and they smile and go on and on ad nauseam. Yeah some women are like that. And I say, ‘enough already!’

But given the same scenario the man, he has a flat line for a so called smile, and says three to four words. As far as complimenting, the only two words that he knows, are, “That’s good!”

Just that??

A cute baby/ dog/ cat is seen, and the woman says, “Oh my God! How adorable! Asks all sorts of questions, as to the baby’s name and age and weight and what not. The man looks at his wife for a few minutes while she is gushing and drooling, and finally shakes his head and says , “Good baby!” and starts walking away.

It is not because he doesn’t like babies. It is not because he lacks the proficiency of the language, and certainly not because he doesn’t have time to admire! Men have a restrictive emotionality in my opinion. I have seen it in my own life. I would go on and on about some painting, or a movie and all the Man would say, is “good movie! Or great painting!” Finished! Khalaas! Nothing more.

And then talk about the expressions of hands. I talk with my mouth and my hands. I don’t mind saying that at all. I smile and laugh a lot, and talk enough for two people. The Man on the other hand, is happy when he has the TV on, watching the golf or tennis channel or doing the Sudoku. I could be talking to him and he turns his face towards me, but his eyes are on the TV screen.

I tried doing that once, and got a crick in my neck and was uncomfortable for three days.

I read somewhere that women show higher levels of expression accuracy and judgement of non-verbal emotional cues than men over all. But I have also read that women in Japan convey more anger and contempt better (?) than men do.

You think??

My question is why do men not have freedom of expressions of their emotions?

About Zakiah

I write poetry and some fiction, have a book that was published in 2012. . . Stray Thoughts/Winged Words. I have four grandchildren, ages 16 and half to almost 16 months. I love the ocean, and grew up along the Indian Ocean in South India. I am a retired physician. Don't know much else to say. Thanks for reading. That has been my profile for so many years. My daughter Saadia a great poet and story teller, has two sons; the oldest grandson is now 21 years old, doing architectural engineering at Missouri S&T in Rolla MO. His younger brother is almost 16 and taking driving lessons seriously and is in High School. The other two grandsons, children of my son Sayeed, are 9 and 5. I have recently published another book titled Gulistan, A home of Flowers. It has stories and memories of my childhood and of a distant land which I still consider as my HOME., even though I have lived here in the US for more than fifty years. Hope to see you on my blog.
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21 Responses to Emotions! (Of men and women)

  1. murisopsis says:

    Complex question. I think part of it is that men and women have different brain patterns. Women are more verbal and speak in circular patterns and men are much more linear. Another aspect may be that if men in business settings communicate in the same way as women they get labeled as ineffective, weak, indecisive, not serious…. and that strikes at the heart of why women find it more difficult to succeed in certain business sectors. Just my opinion.

  2. mrswrangler says:

    I know trying to point something out to Wrangler is tough. We think totally different. I have the tender heart and my feelings get hurt. Sometimes he has no idea until I calm down enough to talk. I learned when really upset with him go off on my own and put my thoughts together before talking to him. If I do this I can usually share why I am hurt calmly which means Wrangler listens. If I try talking when I am upset Wrangler is less likely to listen. We both have learned that when one of us is mad twenty minutes of alone time does a lot to help tempers. We will always have fights and over stupid things but giving each other a little space to collect thoughts and calm down helps both of us communicate through problems.

    • Zakiah says:

      I think this is the very first time you have opened up in a comment, love. This is so refreshing to hear you say all that you have said. How true and mature your thoughts and words are. That’s what makes life lovable and a house a home.

  3. Women study the faces of their babies and become adept at reading emotion. It’s evolutionary biology, is my understanding. Women must be able to read their children or the children would starve.

  4. slmret says:

    I believe that men also tend to conceal their emotions, particularly the negative emotions, in communicating with women. It is important for women to be responsive to non-verbal expressions of emotion. I have witnessed this recently with my friend who is preparing for cancer radiation treatment — sometimes silence has been the strongest emotional expression I’ve observed during the past 3 weeks, and sometimes a verbal expression of something other than emotion but related to the issues.

    • Zakiah says:

      It is important for women to be responsive to non-verbal expression of emotion… so true and so significant in the lives of of individuals. I am sorry about the cancer radiation treatments of your friend dear Janet. My thoughts will be with both, you and your friend.

  5. whyzat says:

    People are so different all across the spectrum of genders that I don’t like to say ” men this” or “women that.” From my personal experience, it doesn’t seem so cut and dried. Hubby has always readily asked directions if needed, but I would rather look at the map. He wants to talk things out if we have an argument , but I would rather sulk then pretend it never happened. I had boyfriends like that, too. I think some of the stereo types are cultural or learned behaviors. A woman might not want to go into engineering because she thinks it’s too nerdy and a man might not knit because he gets the message that it isn’t something men do. I don’t know…Maybe MY brain is wired in a weird way!

    • Zakiah says:

      I love this comment Dian. You are so right that we cannot generalize about men and women. I wrote the article with a little bit of tongue in cheek sarcasm about Indian men, and had posted it on another blog. I wanted the readers to take it in a light vein. But i love where it is going on WordPress. Loving the comments and the responses. Thank you so much for sharing the thoughts.

  6. I think you are right – most guys just aren’t sure how to articulate their feelings or even acknowledge it (unless it’s anger). I think most women are able to share their vulnerabilities easier and use conversation as a means to better understand each other. I’m generalizing here.

  7. We are wired totally different. Crazy but I think that’s it. 😉 Love and hugs

  8. Ha! Some of this made me laugh. Eek! I hope that’s okay. I’m not trying to be disrespectful…it’s how you expressed this and my thinking of the males in my life that caused me to laugh! 😉 😀

    If you wanted serious, then…I think some generations of men were raised to NOT show emotions. Except anger because anger is perceived to be “manly”. I think it’s sad that men were raised that way as little boys. And they have to learn that sharing their emotions is okay and even important. And I think they were told, or they just believe, a man has to “hold it all together” so not to upset their wives or children. I think they have to have good male examples and be taught to “let go”. 🙂

    Years ago I took some classes, so I could then teach some classes, concerning relationships…a funny, but true, thing I remember the prof saying is “Men speak in headlines.” “Women speak in chapters.” HA! 😀
    HUGS!!! 🙂

    • Zakiah says:

      Love the end of your comment. Can you imagine how the boys are brought up in Saudi Arabia? A little boy can be the head of the household and unless he has nurturing care of his mother, the boy’s emotions are all over the place, with anger, sarcasm, and insults. Heaven help us.

  9. Val says:

    Some have restricted emotionality, some don’t. I grew up with a family in which the men most definitely didn’t, but I have also known and still know men who do. My husband’s emotionality fluctuates, it tends to depend on who he’s with: someone he doesn’t know and he’s reserved.

    Off topic (ish), I have been popping in to your blog to read a lot of your posts recently, and love them!

    • Zakiah says:

      First of all, I thank you most humbly for coming over and reading my posts. I am delighted that you like my work. I don’t know how easy it is for you to get books from Amazon. But i have published two books of Poetry and memoirs and they are available on Amazon. My friend in Sweden couldn’t obtain the copy from Amazon.
      As for emotions of men, I am with you. Mohamed, my husband whom I address as M on WordPress, is very quiet when he is in the company of people whom he doesn’t know much. But if he hears one word about golf or tennis from the same group, he is all agog and can switch his mood instantly. I think many men are wired differently. They have to be told and explained about things before they understand.

      • Val says:

        Thanks for your replies to my comments. I had already bookmarked one of your books on the UK version of Amazon (Gülistan: A Home of Flowers) when I first found your blog. I hope to buy it in a few weeks’ time and shall look forward to reading it!

        Golf or tennis stirs your husband? I wish they stirred me! 😉

    • Zakiah says:

      Thank you for wanting to read my book. I am happy that you would want to do that. I hope you will like it. It has got several good reviews on Amazon.
      My husband is an avid golfer. He just doesn’t know what to do with himself during winter. So he sits and watches the sports channels. I too golf, but I am not as good as he is. We used to play a lot of tennis, a lot, but he gave that up to the greens, and I gave it up following knee surgery. I do play occasionally. My son played excellent tennis from the age of five or six, and won the state and city championship when he was in school. Now, he plays GOLF! What can you say! To each his own.

  10. r_hsw says:

    speaking as a man, i must say that this is probably partly because genetically we are not engineered to be emotional creatures. but also party because culturally speaking, internationally, men are expected to be seen as the ‘tough’ one. and so we all come from that sort of believe and upbringing, which shaped us into the sort of creature we are expected to be and accepted in society.
    maybe that’s why we get to see a much more aggression in behaviour coming out from men than women. the easier way to channel out emotions. sadly, probably the only way many of us know how to. but given the opportunity, approval, and assurance of comfort-zone behind closed doors, we CAN be found getting in touch with our inner sensitivity. sometimes to a point of being child-like.
    just saying 🙂

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