A Tiny Unwanted Seed

 

It was just a seed
of fear that took shape
tried to push it away
but it took root

The fear that took shape
was just a seed
digging deep into the tissue
finding a warm home

Digging deep into the tissue
finding a warm home
it grew helter-skelter
unbeknown to her

Unbeknown to her
it grew helter-skelter
until it showed its ugly head
and the doctors yelled

And the doctors yelled
when the seed grew helter-skelter
“how could you ignore this?
This cancer that has taken over your body??”

“I thought it was just a tiny seed, or
a figment of my imagination”,
she whispered.©

Zakiah Sayeed

Dear, Dear friends of mine. I have known you for how long? Most of you I have known since 2007 when I retired and joined Xanga. After Xanga’s demise, you all have continued to be gracious and kind to me, and have appreciated the way I write. For this I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

A little over a month ago, I found a small lump in my breast. Yaaaaahhh! It turned out to be malignant. I have been through a grinding mill it seems with all the tests and blood works and the scans and what not. St. Louis, which is two hours away from here, has the Siteman Cancer Center at the Washington University, in the Barnes/ Jewish complex. I have been seeing a wonderful lady surgeon who will be doing a mastectomy on Wednesday.

I am doing very well. Not angry, not scared, not depressed, and not worried. I have lived a wonderful life and am blessed with the best children, and amazing friends all over the world through these pages. Apparently I have good outcome with this tumor, and even though I have written in my poem that it is spread through the body, it really hasn’t, and the prognosis looks good. My only worry is that I do not want my children to be scared for me, or worry about me. So far they have been pillars of strength. I have never asked “why me?” because I have always thought with every little thing that is not to my liking, “why not me? Why should I be special?” So rest assured, that I am doing fine.

Thank you all for being my dear friends. Janet and Mattie, I love you. Your mails have given me so much courage.

Blessings to all of you.

Zakiah.

 

About Zakiah

I write poetry and some fiction, have a book that was published in 2012. . . Stray Thoughts/Winged Words. I have four grandchildren, ages 16 and half to almost 16 months. I love the ocean, and grew up along the Indian Ocean in South India. I am a retired physician. Don't know much else to say. Thanks for reading. That has been my profile for so many years. My daughter Saadia a great poet and story teller, has two sons; the oldest grandson is now 21 years old, doing architectural engineering at Missouri S&T in Rolla MO. His younger brother is almost 16 and taking driving lessons seriously and is in High School. The other two grandsons, children of my son Sayeed, are 9 and 5. I have recently published another book titled Gulistan, A home of Flowers. It has stories and memories of my childhood and of a distant land which I still consider as my HOME., even though I have lived here in the US for more than fifty years. Hope to see you on my blog.
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20 Responses to A Tiny Unwanted Seed

  1. slmret says:

    Dear Zakiah —
    I love this poem — it expresses exactly the process, and the emotions as well! I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this, but, as you know, breast cancer is not a death sentence, and you may not even need more treatment than Wednesday’s surgery. Of course your kids will worry about you — I’d worry about them if they didn’t — and of course they will be pillars of strength for you — that’s their raison d’etre right now, and, loving you, they know you need their strength along with your own to help you through the next few weeks. I’m so glad to know that the prognosis is good, and will be thinking of you on Wednesday! Love and hugs, Janet

    • Zakiah says:

      Thank you Janet, so , so much. Your friendship and generous words of advise have helped me a lot. I treasure them. After the surgery, I might take a while is writing. Will ask Saadi to post something if she can.

  2. While I love the poem…I am so sorry you have to go through this. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Love and hugs.

  3. murisopsis says:

    Dearest Zakiah, I will be asking for the Almighty to guide the hands of the surgeons and to hold you in the palm of His hand. The prognosis being good is a silver lining. Hugs!!!

  4. I hope and pray everything will turn out well for you. You are a pillar of strength and I know your children will draw their strength from you. I’m sending you lots of love and hugs from afar.

    • Zakiah says:

      The pillar of strength has some termite it seems!! 🙂 Thank you darling for your personal mail and this comment. MY children have been amazing in their support and love and care. I am blessed.

  5. I am so very sorry to hear you are having to deal with all of this, SweetZ! 😦
    I hope and pray it will all go well and you will recover smoothly.

    Three years ago, in the summer, when I found out I had cancer I was worried about being a burden on my kids…making them worry, be scared, etc. 😦 But, I learned that they are strong and I needed to let them be of help to me. 🙂 And I felt the same way about “Why not me?” Especially since I have many close relatives who have battled cancer. (Grandparents, Dad, sisters, cousins, aunts.)

    Your strength, your attitude, your sense of humor and so much more will help you through this time! 🙂 As you continue your journey you are not alone. You have family, friends, and so many of us here who travel with you. We are here with love, prayers, listening ears, and hugs.

    Be assured you have my prayers.
    (((HUGS))) and ❤

    • Zakiah says:

      Carolyn, thank you dear heart for this lovely and heartfelt comment. I remember when you had the uterine malignancy diagnosed. I am happy you are doing so well.
      I appreciate your words. I am doing very well and cannot wait to have this ordeal over with.

  6. You did not as in the poem, Zakiah, you gave attention a this lump .
    The futur is not joyful; of course , but I a sure after the mastectomy , all will become good again . My wife Janine Janine got a surgery for a cancerous node at her breast in 2007. It was ” a small seed ” as the surgeon did no need to make a mastectomy : only take the node in excising all around . Afterward janine gota long radiotherapy..
    I wish you courage to cross this ordeal, Zakia . Next Wednesday my thoughts and pryers willbe for you.
    Love ❤
    Michel

    • Zakiah says:

      I am so happy that Janine is doing well Michel. I am so surprised at the number of people who have come and talked to me and told me that they have had their breast removed or had a lumpectomy, and have been around for fifteen and twenty years. My patients among them. I am not at all scared. I have too much faith and strength in me I think.
      I so appreciate your kind words and thank you for the prayers for me on Wednesday.
      Love and hugs,

      Zakiah.

  7. christao408 says:

    You are always in our thoughts and prayers, now more than ever. May the surgeon be swift and precise, the tumor unspread and easily dislodged, and you quick to heal! Wishing you lots of love and strength.

    • Zakiah says:

      Oh Chris, Dear, dear Chris, how sweet of you to stop by. It is so good to always see you on these pages. Thank you for these thoughts and the words. I pray that your words take wings and reach the Heaven.
      Love and hugs to you and Tawn.

  8. jstnotherday says:

    Dear Zakiah, I am so glad I took the time to come and read your page tonight. I will be keeping you in prayer in the days and weeks to come. I love your calm and strength that comes through in this post. You have been through so much just recently. Let the doctors and nurses take very special and good care of you. ❤ Lynn

    • Zakiah says:

      Dear Lynn, sweet dear Lynn, thank you for such a lovely note. Love and hugs to you. I hope you are dry and way up in the mountains near Little Switzerland or Lake Lure and there are no floods anywhere near you.

  9. mrswrangler says:

    Lovely poem. Sad to hear about the lump. Will keep you in my prayers

  10. onedanyankee says:

    Zakiah, it’s a beautiful poem, of course. I was still blindsided by the news. I wish it would have been benign, but that ship has sailed, I suppose. The hard things in life will sometimes befall us, and I’m afraid it’s not always for us to know why. I’m glad you aren’t asking, “Why me?”, and I’m still sorry it has to be you. I’m glad you have children, and I’m sure they’ll worry some. It’s why they’re here, to worry and care for you in times of trouble. You have been a good and gracious friend to us since our days back on Xanga, and you’ll continue to be. Now’s our turn to come through for you. I may not have answers that can fix the cancer, but for what it’s worth I can pray and offer encouragement. With a good doctor and a good prognosis, I’ll pray the doctors will be on point and your body responds well to whatever follow up therapy is prescribed. I’m sorry you have to fight this fight, but I’m certain you’re up for it.

  11. Zakiah says:

    Dear Dan, your comment brought mist to my eyes. What beauty in these words, and how sincere they are! Thank you. I am so blessed to have such wonderful friends on this cyberspace. All my friends here, feel like they are my family.
    I have taken the diagnosis in my stride. Is there any use by fussing and fretting? Sometimes in the night I wake up and sigh, but I don’t get angry or cry or tear my hair. So many women have been through this , and have survived and suffered or not. So many people have had so much more heart ache (and like you, have given me courage to live my life with faith ); I am just a grain of sand in the universe, and all I ask is that my children be spared and that every ill befalls me instead of on my children. I always say, “better me than my children”. I am blessed that my lament is heard.
    Dan, dear heart, thank you so much for a comment that I am going to cherish always. Blessings to you.
    Love and hugs to you and yours
    Zakiah.

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