Many years ago, somewhere in the early eighties, I was browsing around in a mall in St. Louis. There was a store that was famous for specialty t-shirts. I decided I would go in and check it out and if I found anything good, I will get a couple of them for my children.

The staff was very courteous and welcoming. They had some really neat t-shirts laid out on a long table. I started looking at them. Found a couple and set them aside. Just when I was about to head to the register to pay for them, I noticed a shirt that read in bold letters…

“My Next Husband Will Be Normal”!

Bwahahahah. I couldn’t control myself. I laughed till I had tears running down my cheeks. I NEEDED that shirt. I knew I HAD to get it. Then I thought, what if he got upset. What if he threw a temper tantrum! I knew I wouldn’t wear it outside the house. But, what if…..

The person attending to me saw my conundrum. He, or was it a she? Anyway, he slithered over to me, reminding me of the serpent in Eden, and whispered, “We have another shirt that you might want to look at!” I looked at him askance… and he pulled out another t-shirt that read…get this,

“My Next Wife Will Be Normal!”

Bingo!! I got both the shirts and drove back the two hours to my town. That night when I was showing the kids the loot that I had got for them, the “Guy” was sitting around and watching everything. Then, like a grand finale, I pulled out the shirt that read about the normal husband and with the most genuine giggle I held it in front of me. The Guy sat up and took notice.

Hmmm. His lips went into a straight line like the flat line of an EKG when we had to pronounce the person dead.

No Smile! Just flat straight lips.

My children yelled, “MOM”, and my foreign exchange “daughter” from Brazil echoed the same MOM bit about five times; they were laughing, and because I couldn’t and didn’t want to laugh out loud I controlled myself; the end result of that control was I had tears down my cheeks once again. Then the GUY scowled and picked up his newspaper.

I felt bad for him, I think. So I said, I got something for you too, and gave him the normal wife t-shirt! How quickly the mood changed! Jeez! He started giggling and wore it around the house flaunting it. I said that was enough of showing off, and he should take it off; he said, listen to this…. “You must be kidding. I am not taking this shirt off. Tomorrow I shall wear it to the picnic in South Park”. This picnic was an annual affair where the Indians and Pakistanis meet once a year during summer and have food and games etc.

To make a long story short, (dang– my stories are always so long, no?) we both wore our shirts and went to that picnic. Not only were the Indians and Pakistanis bowled over laughing, but the people of the town, your average john q public stopped by to ask where we had got those shirts! They needed one just like that to give to their spouse!!

Last week I was getting my winter clothes put away and get the spring and summer outfits in the closets, and I came across the two t-shirts. I took them over to the Guy, and said, “listen you and I are going to wear these tomorrow to the exercise class.”

Yup, the scowl came back on and the lips traced the flat line EKG once again! You want to see the t-shirts? Here are the pictures.




I am so bad, no???

Zakiah Sayeed.

About Zakiah

I write poetry and some fiction, have a book that was published in 2012. . . Stray Thoughts/Winged Words. I have four grandchildren, ages 16 and half to almost 16 months. I love the ocean, and grew up along the Indian Ocean in South India. I am a retired physician. Don't know much else to say. Thanks for reading. That has been my profile for so many years. My daughter Saadia a great poet and story teller, has two sons; the oldest grandson is now 21 years old, doing architectural engineering at Missouri S&T in Rolla MO. His younger brother is almost 16 and taking driving lessons seriously and is in High School. The other two grandsons, children of my son Sayeed, are 9 and 5. I have recently published another book titled Gulistan, A home of Flowers. It has stories and memories of my childhood and of a distant land which I still consider as my HOME., even though I have lived here in the US for more than fifty years. Hope to see you on my blog.
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13 Responses to T-Shirts

  1. hahahaha…. that sales person is a true pro. I loved how you described him.

    I’ve always enjoyed your sense of humour.

  2. slmret says:

    Fun shirts! I think most couples could make use of them! I’m sorry the humor disappeared and the scowl returned!

  3. Tree says:

    I think my husband and I would definitely wear these.

  4. murisopsis says:

    This made me laugh and I read it to Sparky. His opinion is that at 60 we can be “Abby Normal” and get away with it! So we embrace the crazy and revel in being outlying data points!

  5. kaylar says:

    Ha! Thank you for my morning laugh! Wonderful to read, about all of it. Hugs to your Guy. But we think he is very lucky man. oxooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

  6. HA! I snorted! Loudly! 😀
    Guess what?!?! You and your husband’s sense of humor(s) are showing…and they are great!!! 😛 Way to keep fun in the relationship! 🙂
    HUGS!!! 🙂
    PS…I tried being normal once. Worst minute of my life!!! 😛

  7. This is really a great humor Zakiah Personally I would not dare ! 🙂
    Love ❤

  8. Wish I had been at the picnic! What a hoot! So funny!

  9. r_hsw says:

    lol. good to know you got a funny bone in you.

  10. Zakiah says:

    ❤ ❤ ❤ 🙂

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