Scavenger Hunt #4

Doctor, Lost recipe, Church.

Should I be ashamed at the helplessness I feel?
They tell me I need to “be seen”–
all it was, was a written two bit, …
so what if it came down from my grandmother?
They should have remembered the ingredients–
I only made it a billion times, to satisfy their desire.

Now, a lost recipe, which is probably lying deep
somewhere among the old books, faded and discolored
with circular stains of coffee mugs on the dust covers,
has betrayed my sanity. They say I need to be seen,

But tell me which doctor would listen to my story
and not wonder if I have onset of dementia or Alzheimer’s
disease? Have they not lost a million things that I have given them?
Why the frowns? Why the “You are so incompetent” looks?
Why the shrugging of shoulders and the bored body language?

I need some peace. Need a place where I can bend my head
and ask for deliverance. Should I go to a church, or mosque
or a temple to find some solace,
or should I stay within these walls and pretend that
they still love me? Was my youth filled
with difficult choices like these?

Zakiah Sayeed. 1/19/2016

About Zakiah

I write poetry and some fiction, have a book that was published in 2012. . . Stray Thoughts/Winged Words. I have four grandchildren, ages 16 and half to almost 16 months. I love the ocean, and grew up along the Indian Ocean in South India. I am a retired physician. Don't know much else to say. Thanks for reading. That has been my profile for so many years. My daughter Saadia a great poet and story teller, has two sons; the oldest grandson is now 21 years old, doing architectural engineering at Missouri S&T in Rolla MO. His younger brother is almost 16 and taking driving lessons seriously and is in High School. The other two grandsons, children of my son Sayeed, are 9 and 5. I have recently published another book titled Gulistan, A home of Flowers. It has stories and memories of my childhood and of a distant land which I still consider as my HOME., even though I have lived here in the US for more than fifty years. Hope to see you on my blog.
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16 Responses to Scavenger Hunt #4

  1. mrswrangler says:

    Very nice. Hope all is well your way.

  2. This hit very close to home.

  3. I hope you’re doing well. I always get worried when I see “doctors”.

    • Zakiah says:

      I am doing great Matt. My stories and poems are fictitious almost 99.9%. Leah gives some hard prompts to follow, and it took me several days (nights) of insomnia to get this one out of the cobwebs of my brain. 🙂

  4. I think when we are young we feel our choices are difficult…but then we get well-seasoned (I don’t say “older” 🙂 ) and we realize we “haven’t seen nothing yet”…as or decisions get harder in some ways.
    Beautiful write, Zakiah! It brought tears to my eyes.
    Personally I hope my body goes before my mind.
    Have you seen the documentary “I’ll Be Me”…about Glen Campbell’s struggle with Alzheimer’s disease? It’s very powerful.
    I’ve so much more to share on this subject, but I’ll just end by saying…May those who are forgetting never be forgotten.

    • Zakiah says:

      Beautiful comment as usual Carolyn. By God Almighty’s grace, nothing like this has happened to me or my family, but I always project my feelings and try to empathize if you will. One of the nicer things about insomnia, is that I get a lot of ideas and thoughts in my mind which I can procreate during the day, if I remember!! ha ha, pun intended.
      No I have not seen that documentary, but I have read quite a bit about the problems he had gone through during his illness.
      ❤ ❤ Love and hugs.:)

      • Your poems always get me thinking about so much…and feeling deep emoitons…which is so important! You definitely have a gift for writing poetry! 🙂
        Yes, no Alz or dementia in my family that I know of. Thankful of that!
        I have close friends who have dealt with or are dealing with parents with dementia, etc. It is SO sad. 😦
        Yes, I write a lot when I can’t sleep. And if I get an idea while lying in bed, I write it down on the paper (and with the pen) I keep within arms reach. 🙂 Other wise I might not remember it in a morning!
        More HUGS!!! 🙂

    • Zakiah says:

      I liked the blog that you have posted recently. I couldn’t find a spot where I could click to leave a comment. Perhaps you didn’t want to have comments and thought that you would leave it private like that. Just wanted you to know that I too liked his music and his voice and the songs. Love and hugs. ❤

  5. cjjustice1 says:

    As I read through your beautiful poem, and then through the comments, I would have to agree with what Carolyn said above. 1. So far I’ve been fortunate to not see too much of that sort of thing… my Mike’s mom had Alzheimers towards the end of her life.. it was sad. 2. The documentary film made “I’ll Be Me”…about Glen Campbell’s struggle with Alzheimer’s disease was excellent. I learned a lot both about the condition, as well as about the feelings of him and of his family. 3. You do write such inciteful poems… they make me think and feel.
    Thank you for your encouragement throughout some of the difficult times of pain these past two years. You bless me, and I pray for a healthy and happy New Year – 2016, especially blessed by God. Love and hugs…. Carolyn J. ❤ 🙂

    • Zakiah says:

      Dear Carolyn,
      You are such an amazing friend! Thank you for this lovely comment with your thoughts about the horrors of the disease. I am so glad you come over and read what I write. I love it when I hear from you. Thank you. ❤ ❤ ❤

      • cjjustice1 says:

        I love to read what you write, dear Zakiah, and I shall try to be more faithful at reading this year. I always love your original writings, and the pictures you post as well. Stay warm & safe!

  6. I think many can related to this poem. As always your poems speak volumes and this is no exception..beautiful, hugs.

  7. r_hsw says:

    there will always be some ‘lost’ recipes. there are many dishes my late grandmas used to make that nobody in my family makes them, thus they became ‘lost’ in memory and tastebuds. sad. but the reality is, when there had not been any written recipe prepared, great dishes made by older generations tend to disappear and forgotten. this makes me think about my grandmas and their comfort food.

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